"The abject poverty juxtaposed on to our opulence."

"If I am reading well you are experiencing the intoxication of the African continent. So, much and so little. The dirt that once disgusts seeps into your pores and somehow transforms you into being a part of that soil and her people. The abject poverty juxtaposed on to our opulence. The "simpleness" of life and the complexity of living for those to whom you have been called. You will never be able to un-see what you have seen, or un-smell the smells. Forever you will feel a little 14 year old boy sleeping on your lap, his life teetering on the edge of despair as much as yours has rested in the safety and security of a place called home. If you wrestle, like I do, of whether you have ever done anything significant in your life. You pinned that one to the mat, what you are doing is not just an adventure it is changing lives...including yours. I have this notion that the Father several times in recent weeks has leaned over and winked and said...that's my girl Lauren. Thanks for the blogs and I will keep on praying."


That was written to me from a dear, dear friend who once spent many years in East Africa and dies to return each day, but the Lord has called him back to the states. And the Lord is using this man incredibly every single day! Even though that man is way too humble to admit it. Anyway, it was a beautiful way to put being in Africa and a great encouragement...


So, I don't have any big stories to share in this post... just thoughts and emotions to share. I haven't done that much, so I figured I would with this opportunity.

Okay, well, I do have one thing to tell you! Soooo there was this girl that I knew in college... she was one of those naturally beautiful girls on the outside and who also oozed of the Father's beauty from the inside... I knew her from college and working at Camp War Eagle for several summers. She was a young lady that was my age, but I felt well exceeded me in wisdom. The girl that I DIED to be friends with, but we just never really crossed paths. So I admired her from a distance. Well, not too long ago, strangely enough, I saw that she was spending time in Sudan this summer! Last Spring she became engaged to a man that is working with digging wells in Africa (i'm pretty sure this is right..) and so she has come this summer to visit him and discover what their lives will look like in Africa! I have been keeping up with their blog and she shared a post about cooking! She taught the locals how to make fried okra! And you know what I taught Abby and the ladies today? How to make fried okra! haha... Well, yesterday she posted that she will be coming to Kampala for certain reasons of her fiance's!! So I wrote her a short message and we are hoping to connect tomorrow or Friday if possible. here is her blog if you are a blog junkie or if you just want something to look at. She is absolutely incredible and an excellent read!


Soo... there are a few times where I have had different emotions lately. I'll just be raw and share about them. Sorry I'm not a big eloquent speaker with great intellectual depth... I greatly appreciate that in others.. probably because I am lacking myself. So here it goes..

On Fridays Abby and I buy jewelry from the ladies. The money they get from us purchasing their jewelry is partially cashed and taken at that moment, and partially saved. They are forced to save each week. Some women have saved up to 1 million shillings ($400) and some about 600,000 ($240) shillings total so far. Both of those amounts are absolutely incredible for women who used to service men from their homes on a daily basis, no?

Well here is my struggle... Abby has taught them for 2 years now to make good quality products. They have changed different parts of the headbands, earrings, necklaces throughout the program to make it a better product. She has stressed to them that if they don't have good products, people will stop going to their shops and stop purchasing their items. Well, before we buy what they have created each week, we inspect the jewelry. Are the headbands too tight? Are their loose strands? Do the necklaces have two strings running through them? Are they straight? Are they long enough? Etc.... well, it absolutely KILLS me to tell these women that their product isn't good.

Now last week was even more difficult because we were automatically only purchasing half of some of the women's work because they hadn't completed their homework assignment the Wednesday of that week *which is a blessing because abby used to refuse to buy ALL of their jewelry if they didn't turn in homework..* I absolutely HATE going from lady to lady and having to reject some of their jewelry because of a lack of quality, and then even cut our purchase in half because of a lack of assignments. Now, I am a just person. And I can be objective: if it isn't a good product, and I know they can do better, then I won't take it. I have that side of me. I was a teacher. I could tell my students that I expected better writing from them when I knew they were capable. And that is how it is with these women. They have been told over, and over, and over, and over what is a good product and part of it can be laziness sometimes... and so I can easily say "This is not right. It is not acceptable. We are not going to buy this from you today and sell it to women in the states." HOWEVER, can you imagine looking into their eyes of sadness and desperation? Women of 3, 4, or 5 children. Who NEED that money to buy food, clothing, pay bills, and even buy more beads to make more jewelry. Their bodies just become deflated when we reject jewelry. I know we are teaching them.. but it is so hard to do that. I do not look forward to it this next week... it is such a difficult thing for me.. especially as I become closer and closer to these women... I love them dearly, and want them to have good skills.. but I hate looking into those sad eyes of disappointment ....

Now with the boys... behavior management. Although I resigned my teaching position, it will always be a part of me, I know! And I feel it in the street program. These boys can be so rude... and they mock my "stop it". I try to be loving and yet firm.. but it is such a difficult balance. I do not have a final authority ... there is no "principal" of the slum... these boys have no authority that they feel in their lives except themselves.. and the uncles.. but I'm not an uncle. So when they are acting inappropriately, or fighting with each other... it is so hard to just let it go. These boys need overflowing buckets of grace and love. That will get to them. They have been rebuked and punished in horrible ways... but never loved. Love will speak volumes... but it is becoming more difficult for me to want to help them make better choices now that I am a bit more established at Auntie Lauren... I just pray for grace, mercy, and love. I do try to ignore the poor behavior and just not respond to them at all... but when they are sweet and kind I shower them with extra love and attention... but the teacher inside of me wants to be able to make them behave... although I can't... goodness... I just keep praying for grace and wisdom. please join me in that prayer.


Okay... so I'm off to bed hopefully. I'm already in my bed.. just going to relax and try to sleep.. after my one last trip to the restroom. I try to avoid at all costs having to get up in the middle of the night.. i hate the mosquito net... haha. tuck, untuck, retuck... ugh. no fun.

I will try to get more pictures and good stories in the next post... thought some of my audience might enjoy these thoughts though..

Love you all. Every time someone responds it encourages me more and more! Thank you for your constant prayers! Love.